Closed to formersurgeon

[drwhitly]

Martin had been looking forward to seeing Joan Watson again. Ever since they had met, she was on his mind daily and nightly. So he woke up that morning, attempted to brush his hair, shape up his beard by the prison barber, and await her in his cell.

When the guard came in to bind him, he was surprised that his hands weren't cuffed, but the leash was still there attaching him to the wall; in case he was to run? It was a silly notion, but he didn't complain because he was going to see her that day.

When he saw her figure being let in the first set of doors, he stood, approaching the red line.

Comments

[drwhitly]

"First of many times," he assured her, an arm wrapping around her to hold her to him. "You certainly seemed to enjoy it."

[formersurgeon]

"It didn't quite get me all the way there," she said. "But yes, I did." She tilted her head up to look at him. "Would it have mattered if I didn't?"

[drwhitly]

"I know," He smirked a knowing look. "Maybe we're just drawing your climax out."

Looking down at her, he was surprised by the question she asked, "Well, I have no intention of raping you if that's what you're asking." His fingers brushed over the silkiness of her hair. "Something tells me that you might not come back if I did.

Unless, of course, if you enjoyed the power dynamic more than the act itself." He pondered as he watched her expression. "In which case, it wouldn't have, no."

[formersurgeon]

She laughed at that smirk, and tapped his chest. "Ah, clever."

The answer to her question drew a slow nod. "It...wasn't exactly what I was asking, no. What I was curious about was if it's important to you that I enjoy myself, or if it only matters insofar as you benefit from it." It was blunt, sure, but it wasn't like they weren't both aware of certain realities.

"Either way, it's not going to keep me from coming back. I'm just curious."

[drwhitly]

Martin slowly nods, “It does matter to me that you get pleasure and enjoy yourself.” He doesn’t need much time to think about this. It strokes the ego of a narcissist to be exceptional at sex and that does include pleasuring their partner. Not for the benefit of her as much as it is for him to feel esteemed and accomplished; however that is a bit difficult for him to distinguish. “I benefit from knowing it was me who did that for you.”

“Does that not match your sociopath diagnosis of me?” He teased her, tickling her side just gently with his arm wrapped around her.

[formersurgeon]

She laughed a little as he tickled her, squirming gently against his side.

"Honestly, I'm a little uncertain in my diagnosis," she said. "You're not a traditional sociopath, because you're way too focused and deliberate, and you were far too successful as a surgeon. But...I don't think you're fully a psychopath either, because psychopaths don't feel emotion, and...I think you do."

Did he feel anything for her? That was the question that she left unasked. This thing they had was so strange, but Joan wanted to be with him, partially out of an almost perverse sort of curiosity, but also because of that deep sense of connection she felt. Even though she was savvy enough to know that it was entirely possible he did not feel it in return. But she believed he did.

[drwhitly]

“Psychopaths feel emotions.” He reminded her. “Just not all of the same emotions that you feel. I might not feel empathy but I feel things about people.” He paused before continuing. “Despite our ‘behaviors’ and personality traits, we want to be loved and cared for. People just don’t seem to want to give us a chance and get close to us.” Often due to his inability to do more than mimic certain emotions. However that didn’t mean that he lacked feeling towards her because she was showing up for him emotionally and physically which was something his family had abandoned him on.

[formersurgeon]

Loved and cared for. She reached out to brush an unruly curl back from his face, a tender gesture, before leaning in to kiss him gently. It was hard for her to be able to tell if he really did feel for her or if he was just mimicking, but in truth it didn't change how she felt. Maybe it should have, but it didn't.

[drwhitly]

Martin liked the touch, kissing her back. He did enjoy her quite a bit and had no intention of letting her go; she was caring and attentive. "What are you thinking about, darling?"

[formersurgeon]

"Emotions," she answered, intentionally vague, curious if and how he'd ask for clarification. "You?"

[drwhitly]

"Oh? My emotions or yours?" Considering what they had just been discussing.

"You," He smiled down at her, his hand back in her hair. "How fortunate our meeting was. I was remembering the other day the case you brought to me. How you came to meet me rather than just kept it over the phone." Not many were brave enough to make the trek to him.

[formersurgeon]

"Both," she said, her smile slightly teasing. "How I feel about you. How you might feel about me."

She smiled up at him, playing with his hair. "I'm so glad I did. You turned out to be even more interesting than I expected, and I expected a lot."

[drwhitly]

“And how do you feel about me?” He asks now that he feels prompted. He doesn’t say how he feels about her just to keep the focus on her thoughts and feelings for the moment.

“I am too. You were quite an enigma at first, but now I feel like you could be much more.”

[formersurgeon]

She pressed her lips, thinking for a moment, still playing with his hair.

"Attachment," she began. "Endearment. A strong desire for intimacy. To know you and be known in return."

There was one word that would have covered all of that, of course, but it was an exceedingly dangerous word to offer, considering how uncertain she was about how he truly felt about her.

[drwhitly]

“A very strong desire for intimacy.” His hand found her shoulder and slid down her arm. “So specific and yet so vague.” He observed. “What don’t you want me to know about you?” It was almost pondered out loud. “Since we are here forming an attachment.” He glanced over at the unattended. “And we have all the time in the world.” Hell, if she wanted to spend the night then he suspected very little would be done to stop her.

[formersurgeon]

She considered that for a moment.

"Nothing I can think of," she decided. "What do you want to know?"

She had already told him about some of the most traumatic experiences of her life. The greatest danger is that he would use something against her, but there was little he didn't already know that she felt could be easily weaponized.

[drwhitly]

"Tell me about your last relationship," he prompted, still holding her.

He was still curious about her reaction to when they had sex the previous time and she reacted like she wanted to fight; he certainly knew what that meant.

[formersurgeon]

She nodded. It was a fair question, and a pretty normal one considering where they were in their relationship.

"Andrew. He was a really great guy...sweet, smart, successful...a dedicated partner and a considerate lover. We were together during a difficult time in my career. And my life, really. I was trying to figure out what I wanted. Then one day he invited me to dinner with his father, swearing it wasn't a 'meet the parents' thing, but it totally was...and I realized that whatever I wanted, it wasn't a life with him."

[drwhitly]

Martin's eyebrows went up again. "And then you just dumped the considerate lover?
Must have come as quite the surprise to him."

"And then did you move in with Sherlock?"

[formersurgeon]

"It wasn't fair for me to continue being with him knowing that he wanted more from the relationship than I was able to give him." She took a breath. "I was going to break up wit him. We went out for coffee so we could talk. He picked up our drinks at the counter, and got them mixed up. He took a sip of my drink by mistake."

Another breath.

"And went into almost immediate cardiac arrest."

[drwhitly]

“This was quite the relationship.” Martin remarked before the questions came. “What was in that drink? Are you suggesting he died from the cardiac arrest?” Since people can make it to the ER and be recovered.

[formersurgeon]

"It was hemlock," she said. "It had been slipped into the drink by an assassin that was hired by a woman I put in jail." She shook her head slightly. "I did everything I could to try to bring him back. I did CPR until the paramedics showed up. Andrew didn't make it."

[drwhitly]

"Well, aren't you popular." Not really the victim-focused response most people would have given to that story. "That must have been scary for you, being targeted like that. Then to lose your lover, terrible."

[formersurgeon]

"Compounded by the fact that he was there so I could break up with him," she pointed out softly. "There was a lot of guilt. You asked if that's when I moved in with Sherlock. It's actually when I moved back in. We had started off living together, and I had left wanting a normal life. That incident made me realize I don't have a normal life. And that anyone I'm close to has a target on their backs. So I've been single for the past five years."

[drwhitly]

Martin listened and nodded silently for a moment. She had quite a complexity to her and he rather liked it. Not that he often attracted dull people, but everything about her was in line with his expectations.

“Normal is pretty boring.” He finally reminded her. “But I can see where you needed those physical partners.”